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“Your employer is not your friend” - This phrase managed to fall out of my mouth this week and while I believe it true, it is one of those comments that in retrospect I realised probably has various meaning and/or impact for others.

Before going too much further I want to break it down real quick.  Once all the terms and conditions, buildings, co-workers, tools and processes are removed the only thing that remains is you and a legal entity that exists to achieve something.  Profit, public service, change, influence... regardless of the structure there is always a purpose.

Thus my first (hopefully rhetorical) question; if you are not aligned with the purpose then why would you be valued?   Not different to each of us in our personal lives with partners, friends, social groups etc.  We don’t seek out people that are heading in a different direction to us; something must be shared.

The other important point is what I am not saying; that friendship, equality, value and integrity cannot be achieved / maintained even if your employer is not your friend.  An employer can provide you with everything you need and want even though the business/entity itself is not your friend.

Not convinced?

-          Survival:  Money - the obvious need satisfied

-          Belonging:  You are a member of group with a goal.

-          Value:  Through respect, recognised achievement/contribution etc

The proposition: I believe a conflict exists in the realisation of our needs by an objective (non-emotive) entity.   That is we often fail to distinguish our default response to need satisfaction that traditionally existed with people to the legal entity behind them now.

Ever wonder why 70%+ of small businesses fail in the first 2 years?   Apart from poor skills and viability analysis I suspect it also has something to with the ‘person’ factor.  In a small business you really are dealing with people and there is no distance, no objectivity.  If you believe people are fundamentally good then I don’t think it is hard to imagine business owners making decisions good for people and bad for the business.

I believe what makes it so hard, specifically, is that we all invest effort to have needs satisfied.  We put ourselves into work but the goal oriented legal entity will only recognise that investment while it is useful in helping achieve the goal.  And over the years I have known people who suggest they don’t invest, that there are more important things to life and work it is just money.  No doubt it is true to everyone at different levels but unless someone is totally disengaged then there is always investment and therefore a need looking to be satisfied.   Being totally disengaged is a related but different topic.

The people you work with are not your employer even though they often represent its views and are (hopefully) aligned with its goal.  These people can provide you with legitimate ‘people’ engagement, friendship, respect, compassion, understanding, fun and enjoyment even fully subscribed to the goals of the employer.

It is not a bad thing for your employer to have a goal and value those who are most aligned and capable of helping it achieve them.  In that achievement you will also have your needs satisfied.  It is more a recognition of the relationship and remembering to always check your alignment (integrity match) with all aspects of life because it is only you who can ensure your relationships are in balance.

And most importantly, for many, your employer may be the enabler to an extremely satisfying life because there is very little the environment can’t provide if it is the right one.  And you often have an influence in making it the right one.